It's nearly three, I can't sleep and you're all I can think about. The thoughts crossing my mind listlessly make me yearn for your presence, for your touches, for you to be right here lying next to me. These thoughts of early morning make my heart beat again. The picture of you and I in the same bed, your legs wrapped around mine and your body clung to my chest, I'll hold you tighter all throughout the night and close my eyes, drifting off into a peaceful sleep, though the idea of waking up all night long just to watch you sleep so tempts me. The thought of me waking up with you on top of me, your hair a messy bun on top of your head, I'll lie there still and not wake you up, just cherish this moment when I'll be having you all for myself.
The thought of talking to you all throughout the night, feeling the warmth your touches emit, your scent taking me higher and driving me wild, I'll kiss you slowly goodnight. When you'll be having nightmares I'll hold you closer, lull you to sleep and stay awake to keep an eye on you, for I'll be the fortress if you be my princess. I can picture your hand resting on my head, while your fingers gently caress my hair and play with the endless curls, I'll grip your waist and taste your cheeks. These fluttering, these sparks I can see each time I think of you fill the gap between us two as I now drift off to sleep with the image of that smile your lips curve in to, so merry, so sweet, so true.
It's now four, no longer three. I'm wide awake again and thoughts of you start invading my head. The thoughts, the dreams of you and I disembogue from this mind of mine, as an endless stream of the almighty's river. I lay back and let my dreams get the better of me, You're here, right next to me. Our fingers are intertwined, your hair falling on this face of mine, I breathe in your maddening scent and getting away from you seems practically impossible. I roll over and hold you closer, kiss you good-morning. You give me your brightest smile, and I just stare at this masterpiece thinking how lucky I was to be the only one watching such an adorable scene, as you yawn and stretch your legs out, as you rub the water off your eyes and look and me and smile, as you push back the strand of hair fallen on your face, as you catch me off-guard staring at you so intently and blush slightly. I just know good days lie ahead and that these thoughts will one day be true,
Friday 20 October 2017
Friday 8 September 2017
Piece of Paradise.
It's nearly two in the morning, you're all awake. It's been the same for weeks now, you're just there lying on that bed of yours, your pillows are soaked wet, but not in tears, they are tainted red of your blood, and so are your sheets. Your mind is a mess, everything around seems blurry, guess you went too hard on the sleeping pills. You take your phone out, look at the picture of her sleeping which you had captured when things used to be fine, a time long gone, because now she's already moved on. You take the bottle of liquor out, sweet liquid of the devil which now seems divine, wet your lips and the tears spill out, your voice cracks and you cry out loud. The same question torments you all over again :" Why did you leave me if I used to be right?"
You walk right up to your mirror, look at just how pathetic you are, smile at the mess you have become. Is that really me? A ghastly face, bloodshot pallid eyes and lifeless lips. I look down at the masterpieces I've carved in my arms, memories of the love I have in this weary heart. I take in the calmness of this soothing red stream. And without even thinking I'm at my desk at two, razor blades in my hand cutting through my flesh, it pains a little as the tiny metal piece tear open my skin. I'm at peace, now in a state to think. I take my cigarettes out, on the roof top I smoke and cry, the paroxysm never leaving my side, I talk to the monsters sitting out there in the dark about the face that haunts my nights, cause my insides to ignite with light touches and then set me on a blazing fire ravaging each and every inch of me. With my wrists bleeding, I take my phone out and text you how I feel at night just to realise it is just another waste of time, just like those other text messages which were just delivered but never read. The torment sinks in, my companion cut across again, the swishing sound of the metal on my skin, the sting of pain that causes me to gasp, the coldness of the metal against the warmth of my blood, the smile playing along with the tears rushing down, the burning taste of alcohol down my throat, my heavy head pounding, my heart beating to my ears, I feel my self dozing off, escaping to a place where maybe I belong.
You walk right up to your mirror, look at just how pathetic you are, smile at the mess you have become. Is that really me? A ghastly face, bloodshot pallid eyes and lifeless lips. I look down at the masterpieces I've carved in my arms, memories of the love I have in this weary heart. I take in the calmness of this soothing red stream. And without even thinking I'm at my desk at two, razor blades in my hand cutting through my flesh, it pains a little as the tiny metal piece tear open my skin. I'm at peace, now in a state to think. I take my cigarettes out, on the roof top I smoke and cry, the paroxysm never leaving my side, I talk to the monsters sitting out there in the dark about the face that haunts my nights, cause my insides to ignite with light touches and then set me on a blazing fire ravaging each and every inch of me. With my wrists bleeding, I take my phone out and text you how I feel at night just to realise it is just another waste of time, just like those other text messages which were just delivered but never read. The torment sinks in, my companion cut across again, the swishing sound of the metal on my skin, the sting of pain that causes me to gasp, the coldness of the metal against the warmth of my blood, the smile playing along with the tears rushing down, the burning taste of alcohol down my throat, my heavy head pounding, my heart beating to my ears, I feel my self dozing off, escaping to a place where maybe I belong.
That was my routine now, my little piece of paradise I had so grown used to. I spend my time listening to the sound of your voice, just things I'm glad I had recorded previously, when we used to be fine. Your picture never leaves my hand while I re-read the messages we once sent, for the thousandth time this week. It never was easy giving up on you, I had known that all the while, but I never knew it could be this hard. The high of alcohol long drained, I send you a text :" If I showed up at your door now, would you hug me tight and ask me to stay the night or would you just wave me goodbye? If it were the end now, would you want me back or just wave at me like a passing cloud?" And after such a long wait, the ticks turn to blue. Will I get an answer now? I hope I do.
Wednesday 6 September 2017
The Villain.
Take my love for granted, I will give it all to you. You go on, push me over and over again, now I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, the depths of which are unknown. If I fall now, it will be the end of us two. I try my best to hold on, save us from falling apart, I'm sticking to the dirt on the ground, anything that will keep me on the verge for some time longer, I'm fighting back against the winds and storms, the forces trying to push me over, trying to make me fall in that endless pit of utter darkness. I've always been fighting for your love, but it seems harder than ever now.
The winds ceased and the calmness reigned, finally I was able to save us from that tragic end. The danger long gone, I turn towards the cliff, smiling like crazy. And just when I was about to leave that place once for all, hands pushed me from behind, tripping me over into that void. And heck, I was falling. This was it, the end of us, the end of me. A quick glance behind, my eyes open out wide, the thumping pain in my heart creeps its way back, the beast inside is unleashed causing havoc, tearing me up on the inside. Would I even be able to survive that?
I take in the darkness around, monsters emerging from the darkness greeting me. I was one of them now, reduced to nothingness, without any reason, any motive to live, in constant search of demolition and pain, I walked around hurting others, inflicting pain I could not escape from. If I could not be happy, why should they be? Why should they smile when all I could do was cry and cut my self to pieces and drown myself down? Why should they go on and love when I lived in hatred and darkness? Why should they be at peace when I was in an endless battle with the inner me? Why should they have a home, a family when I was out there all lonely? Life could be cruel, but so could I. So I took my mask out, draped with my black coat, I became the devil they so feared.
I've spent my nights all alone, your picture in my hand, trying to take in the betrayal, the heartbreak which would just not sink in. Why did you have to make me leave? From a place high up in the sky, you dragged me to the very bottom of the ground. We could have been happy, we could have been a family, but you turned out selfish, and left me in utter misery.
And that was it, if I could not be a shining sun, I'd be the dark clouds that blinded everyone in the daylight, trapping the light. You stole my blue and left me as a depressing grey sky. I've spent my life drowning, now I'd be the tsunami tides which you all should be fearing. I was the beast unleashed, numb to any feeling, resenting, hurting, burning in the flames of an endless despondency.
And that was it, if I could not be a shining sun, I'd be the dark clouds that blinded everyone in the daylight, trapping the light. You stole my blue and left me as a depressing grey sky. I've spent my life drowning, now I'd be the tsunami tides which you all should be fearing. I was the beast unleashed, numb to any feeling, resenting, hurting, burning in the flames of an endless despondency.
Saturday 12 August 2017
Hot Tears.
Emptiness, all I can feel is a void in my chest cavity, the place where my heart was to be. It hurts, it burns, can I rip it apart? Hot tears flowing down my cheeks, take away the pain, let me feel some warmth all over again. The truth of life is death, not to fall in love or find your soulmate, but that someday you'll eventually perish, may it be with hundreds of people crying over your tomb or with no one to bury you.We are destined to die, to turn to ash and mix with the dirt on the ground, but knowing that someone is leaving does not make the pain any less, it still hurts so much more. Being apart, realising that they will no longer be there to talk to, to discuss how life is going on, that you will no longer be able to feed them again, knowing that there won't be any signs of their smile upon those lame jokes of yours, that you never got the chance to say goodbye.
How will life be without you by my side? I already feel the hot tears in my bloodshot eyes as I recall your lifeless body lying in the centre of the room, with hundreds of people around in tears, and dad shaking you, telling you to wake back up from the long sleep you left us for. So hey, my shooting star, I will look up to you each night, smile back at me and shower me with some of your love. Hey my lifeguard, drive away the darkness I've been so used to and bring me back to light, make me get the taste of what it feels like to be shining bright. I will miss your grudges just as much as your smiles. I will miss you not being there to tell me what's right. Hey hot tears, capture her face one last time as I bid her goodbye. This is not farewell though, you won't be getting rid of me so quick. I will talk to you every night, as the wind blows by, as stars and moon shine, by each passing moment, I promise to cherish your existence. Trust me, I will never let you fade, in these memories of mine you shall always reside. Hey angel, I wish heaven is your resting place and you're free from all agonies and torments, I wish you peace and calmness. I wish you rainbows and fields of roses, I wish you sun rays and blue skies, I wish you low soothing tides, waves that will take you ashore.
How will life be without you by my side? I already feel the hot tears in my bloodshot eyes as I recall your lifeless body lying in the centre of the room, with hundreds of people around in tears, and dad shaking you, telling you to wake back up from the long sleep you left us for. So hey, my shooting star, I will look up to you each night, smile back at me and shower me with some of your love. Hey my lifeguard, drive away the darkness I've been so used to and bring me back to light, make me get the taste of what it feels like to be shining bright. I will miss your grudges just as much as your smiles. I will miss you not being there to tell me what's right. Hey hot tears, capture her face one last time as I bid her goodbye. This is not farewell though, you won't be getting rid of me so quick. I will talk to you every night, as the wind blows by, as stars and moon shine, by each passing moment, I promise to cherish your existence. Trust me, I will never let you fade, in these memories of mine you shall always reside. Hey angel, I wish heaven is your resting place and you're free from all agonies and torments, I wish you peace and calmness. I wish you rainbows and fields of roses, I wish you sun rays and blue skies, I wish you low soothing tides, waves that will take you ashore.
Thursday 3 August 2017
Love at First Sight,
And then you ask yourself this question: "Is love like that we see in movies real?" Do these things really happen; looking at someone and feeling time freezing by, the world blurs away and you have eyes only on her, you feel as if the sun's glow has gotten a bit brighter and see an eminent gleam radiating off her eyes, and you smile knowing you've just had your head blown away, you start dreaming and venture to a time where you're both married and happy, without you even knowing her name, you feel intertwined with her, a feeling of attachment that pulls you towards her, you feel as if you've known that face, that smile for such a long time and it's the most real feeling you've ever had. I was just like you guys out there, laughing at those words, calling my ideas cliché and stupid.
I never knew that could happen until I saw that girl, at a hectic station, with a magnificent smile on the face that melted the enormous icebergs my heart was caged in and made me feel my heartbeats again, until I saw those lucid brown eyes of hers bearing the sun's rays and the entire universe, until our eyes locked and I felt myself drowning in the depths of her liquid gold eyes, which took me to a whole different world, until I saw her face which taught me that yes, there was something worth living for after all, until I got a taste of her innocence when I noticed that she was wearing cartoon and flower headbands, until I heard the sound of her laughter which was the most melodious tune I'd ever heard and knew I wanted to hear it every morning, every night and all throughout my life, and she sealed away my soul and made me hers, just by standing out there and laughing at the world, two strangers who never even talked. I could feel the walls I resided into crumbling,she had broken through my defense without even trying, the pathways of thorns felt like a sea of roses. She drove away the monsters I constantly fought, showed me the light. I knew the moment my eyes met hers, I was going to love her for a very long time.
I never knew that could happen until I saw that girl, at a hectic station, with a magnificent smile on the face that melted the enormous icebergs my heart was caged in and made me feel my heartbeats again, until I saw those lucid brown eyes of hers bearing the sun's rays and the entire universe, until our eyes locked and I felt myself drowning in the depths of her liquid gold eyes, which took me to a whole different world, until I saw her face which taught me that yes, there was something worth living for after all, until I got a taste of her innocence when I noticed that she was wearing cartoon and flower headbands, until I heard the sound of her laughter which was the most melodious tune I'd ever heard and knew I wanted to hear it every morning, every night and all throughout my life, and she sealed away my soul and made me hers, just by standing out there and laughing at the world, two strangers who never even talked. I could feel the walls I resided into crumbling,she had broken through my defense without even trying, the pathways of thorns felt like a sea of roses. She drove away the monsters I constantly fought, showed me the light. I knew the moment my eyes met hers, I was going to love her for a very long time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)